Mud Girl by Alison Acheson

Author:Alison Acheson [Alison Acheson]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Coteau Books
Published: 2006-10-26T16:00:00+00:00

Ghosts

Dad walks around the table with a hand placed on the Arborite. Then he gets close to Ernestine. Close, standing right in front of her as if he doesn’t believe she’s there. One of those “touch it and it’ll disappear” things. She looks him squarely in the eyes, but Abi can see she’s shaking as if a winter’s gust followed her through the door. With those heels, she’s not much shorter than he is.

Suddenly, Dad shakes his head. Hard. And he turns back, this time to his chair in the living room and pulls his glasses off as he sinks into it. Looks out toward the river, through the back window. Abi watches him like that for long seconds, until she realizes she’s waiting for him to turn around, until she realizes he’s not going to. When she turns to Ernestine, she’s not moved – just a horrible look has come over her face, sort of twisted and indescribably sad.

“I’d better go,” she says in a whisper. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

She leaves, before Abi’s numbed mind can think of anything to say, and after she’s gone, there’s a deadness to the house, with Dad sunken in his chair, TV still off, and Abi with this feeling that she’ll never see Ernestine again. Maybe never see Jude again after yesterday. Or Amanda. Back to being just her and Dad. Me. I.

She moves that stupid knight of Colm’s. Maybe he’ll never come back either. That would make Fiona happy! Oh yeah, it would.

Can’t say how long she sits at the table. Abi finds she’s watching Dad, waiting for him to move, waiting for that light in him to come back. It hadn’t been only in his eyes; it had been in his movements, too, in the crinkle of his lip in a half-smile. Made her remember that he used to be even funny sometimes. Now it’s darkness and stillness.

She remembers talking with Ernestine about falling in love, and about the pain of it…those odd words of hers: “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea…maybe I shouldn’t be here…” Those words had something to do with this; there was something between Ernestine and Dad.

So why had Ernestine – no, Mary – shown up that first day on the wharf? All that Big Sister talk…it was all rubbish, as Mum used to say.

Abi feels a sudden thrust of yearning to hear that word again. Rubbish… and you could still hear the touch of accent Mum had worked to erase.

Images come to Abi now: Ernestine’s face all twisted over Dad, deaf in his chair that day, or all anxious as he leaned over the river. So why had she come along? Why?

Adults did just whatever they wanted to do. They acted as if they cared, but there was always something else going on – something they thought you were too young to hear or you wouldn’t understand.

Abi understood all right. Or enough for now. Enough to know that she didn’t really matter. Everyone thought she was old enough to care for herself – and she was.

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